July 8, 2026

Throughout my entire life, I have probably gone living as if I am an undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety stricken, nuerodivergent that has never been medicated either by any pharmaceuticals to "normalize" me, or lessen certain tendencies I have...but I have instead developed my own way to cope with it all?

How?

Well, for those that know me - know of my love for music, art, and many other things lol

But, my love for music developed in the 80s, clearly. ;)

I was the one hand writing lyrics and making mix tapes for all my friends to learn the lyrics to every TLC song and MANY other artists back then. :D

But, in my teens I soon realized how music was a release, a way to make my mind forget about certain things....lose myself, transplant me to another world...

Dance also was big for me, not many that know me now, know this,

I loved it so much I would say I would dream of being a dancer for Janet Jackson, I would watch her vidoes to learn her moves. I ended up trying out for dance with one of my besties Keisha in highschool because our volleyball coach told us not to when we told her we were going to. (she was so against cheerleaders/dancesquad).

Anyway, once I started getting even older, I realized different genres tracked with different times in my life - certain times it helped me cope to be who I had to be to get through the time I was in - other times, it was to quiet the noise and so I could focus on a paper.

Many times I use it for that today.

Right now I am listening to a station that has no words, no real beats or tracks...just ethereal sounds....chords....it helps me think...it helps me focus...and sometimes it helps me sleep better, too. Again, it helps my mind focus on the sounds/melodies and helps drown out the worries, fears, and just excess drama and noise of our daily lives.....

Music has done for me what prescription drugs I guess may have done for others.

Often times I wonder what would have happened when I was 8 years old and my mom took me to the doctor when EVERY kid was being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and put on extreme behavioral changing drugs - my mom's doc just said "I think your daughter is just outgoing". 

As much as I am grateful for that doc, after seeing many kids battle and go downhill after prescribed and on these "helpful drugs" - I always wonder if it would have affected me differently? Maybe I would have had better grades or been able to focus better? Even though I am a firm believer on trying natural approaches vs prescriptions - I would definitely love to see improvements in those areas, even if music does help - it's not a cure all and always available if your phone dies.

But, it does provide a temporary relief, a temporary escape to allow me to shift focus off of all my stresses and into a commissioned work of art.

Like, I have $5 to my name because I just bought dog food because we were down to the bottom of the bin, and I also got $25 in groceries. Yep, that was my budget. And, I was able to get $20 in gas, but I have a 1/4 tank and that won't last long.

I have a $400 bill due tomorrow, I haven't gotten a shut off notice at all and it didn't say that within the letter, so maybe I will have a bit more time. I have been checking the mail every day, which is not like me. lol It's usually junk, or for a person that doesn't live here anymore.

I have rent due on the 24th if that is still on the table? We shall see if I can get it by then. If not, I guess that will be 30 day notice to them. I contacted NM Legal Aid, and spoke with someone already as of yesterday. Now, I will wait for a call from a lawyer they assign me if my case is accepted. I am not sure what you need to qualify, but I am pretty sure my low income ass with no help from the government could probably be accepted to receive legal aid to go against these jerks if they try to evict me for not giving them the illegal amount of late fees they were trying to obtain from me. 

In NM, landlords are ONLY legally allowed to collect 5% of rental fee for late fees. That's $45. I paid that with the rent, and when I informed them what they have in the lease is illegal as well as asking for it - they didn't like that. That's when they said they'd be back to ask me to vacate.

Then, the daughter that I had it out with - surprisingly shows back up with the lawnmower to mow the "weeds" that she tried to tell me that I needed to pull a few months back - not a request for me to vacate. 

Then her mom shows up, then her mom shows up again but with her unlicensed handyman ...two days in a row. I have had enough. I told them it's harrassment, that they cannot keep doing this. I work from home. I shouldn't have to be worried about leaving my door open to let air in because then that basically is an open fkn invite to them.

So, this is where I am at. Sigh.

Somewhere I am so sick of being at....

I am speaking with M this next week while he is in Raton about possibly relocating the tiny home on his property, i found someone with a 16 ft trailer we could borrow, but I am only borrowing it if M approves the location idea.

Why the relocation? Well. 

You'd think being 20 miles north of Trinidad, living OFF GRID, no data signals on your phones without being connected to M's wifi ...and a road that is not even maintained by the city ....that you wouldn't really need to worry about. No one EVER drives on that road, except neighbors, or hunters.

SOMEone reported the build happening to the city of Trinidad, and we know it was one of the hunters - which lead to 2 sheriffs and 3 city officials coming out the day after M had left to go out of town with me on a mission to finalize the flooring and walls before winter hits...and they tell me I have to stop all construction. My heart hit the floor and I felt like the ground was pulled from underneath me.

But, they said any structure needs to be at least 60 ft from a road...

...but it's going to be on wheels, I only built a platform for it so it was easy to take on//off by truck without the need to raise it too much. But also to have a foundation for it to be high enough off the ground from snow/rain/whatever accumulation. The wind blows SO much around out there, tumbleweeds, dirt - and - it keeps ya off the ground from the critters. I do plan to add lattice of some form around the exterior to keep bears OUT tho....

For now, it's mostly dogs lying under there for the immense cool shade it provides :)

More pressing things: I need $450 for electric, but I am also kinda over stressing. Last month really really took a toll on me. I felt like I had ran a damn marathon, my legs were weak, and I slept a lot after finally paying rent - well in between Sherry's impromptu house visits to knock on my door for 10 minutes, and then her mom.....like no. 

Rent is due the 24th, but again....I am letting the universe decide my path. I am done. 

I tried. I can't force people to buy art, to care, to donate - but so thankful to those of you that could, and who did. I know times are tough, and I never ever want to send emails out like that, or as frequently - but, honestly online and email is all I have in terms of marketing myself where it actually REACHES people. Social Media has become a shit show with the algorithms and platforms shadowbanning you for freedom of speech of political artwork or views.

10 years ago? I was able to post art for sale, and it would be sell within a week, sometimes a few days. And I also was receiving over 100 likes on my Insta posts....

Times have changed, a lot.

Anyway, I am rambling.... this is personal so please realize it takes a lot to share this with people whom I don't even know that well. Thanks for even reading if you did, though.

Much Love,

CROME